Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
