I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
