i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize