I swear she didn't look like that last week.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
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