Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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