We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
