You're so nebulous sometimes
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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