Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
