I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
