I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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