i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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