I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
