even my farts smell like vagina
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize