I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
