Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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