Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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