i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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