This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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