I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
