if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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