you would pick up someone in the library
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
