dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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