I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
