This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I cannot find my penis.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
