I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
