I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
