She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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