We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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