hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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