Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
