I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
