you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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