I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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