Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
