I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm just crazy horny about you
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
