in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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