Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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