Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I have grass duct taped all over my body
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
