He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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