The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
