Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Be still, my beating vagina.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
