it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
