I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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