Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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