Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
