I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Terrible idea I love it
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
