i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We talked him into tasing himself.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
