Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
