Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
