I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
