Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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