Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize