I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Swine flu is the new snow day.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
