I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
