btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
