Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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