We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
