Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
