It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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