That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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