i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
