So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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