were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
