If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
