Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize