So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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